A New Foreign Feeling

This evening I discovered something about myself; I can't stand jealousy... well being the 'jealous' one that is. It's going to be hard to believe but I don't know how to handle it. I've coveted people who have pets and I get jealous when I see something I can't have i.e: food

BUT I've never been exactly jealous over love stuff eh... well correction more like over a BOY.

For the past month and half I realized that I have grown fond of this male-guy-person. I won't specify who...though no one really reads this so I might as well say who it is but I will keep it anonymous for effect.

Basically in addition to his fading interest towards me, I saw pictures on this guy's page that I probably shouldn't have looked at for more than 2 minutes. I swear it felt like getting kick in the face and if I knew the sensation of getting kicked in the rocks then I'd compare it to that, too. I even read the captions and comments under the photos! Y'know just to torture myself, that sort of thing. To say the least it was not the most pleasant time of my life.

Then it took me exactly 3 more minutes to realize that I was being a creeper.

I thought to myself, "Wow you're reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally lame."

Having said that -- I kept looking at the damn pictures. I wanted to get out of the room away from it but I couldn't get myself to stop looking. So I went through the phases:

First there was the being SHOCKED. Like "Oh I'm replaced" kind of shock. Then came the angry and I hit the counter with my fist very hard. Then I got even angrier because it hurt my hand. Within 10 seconds I proceeded to another emotion and I felt this crying feeling and as a result of thinking I might cry made me start to laugh hysterically. Yep alone in front of my computer like an insane person.

Faaaaaaaaaaaaack.

No worries, I did not cry. I could've if I wanted to. Anyway I'm not sure why I'm feeling this...

Do I really like him that much or was it just me being strange which is the norm OR maybe it's because he is no longer paying attention to me like before?? Hmm

Either way my point is; I am a wack job... where is my straitjacket?!


After awhile I felt this painful stabbing-throbbing sensation in my heart. I know it sounds corny, but it really did feel like that. I even talked to some close friends and they all disapprove of this little fiasco I've made for myself. Anyway my sources tell me that this shall pass.

I really really really really really really really really really really really fucking hope so because I am definitely not cut out to be the jealous type. It's so tiring and it's hurting my insides a lot.


-elle

Friday Night Visitor

Last night 'Like A Midnight Rendevous' came over. I was a little nervous about the setting since my mom and Abi will see me interact, but it actually turned out wayyyyy better than I expected. Although I still have to get use to his sarcastic humor, I found him funny. He was very relaxed the whole time and entertaing. The night was young so we played pool and talked. Halfway into the game he told me I sucked at introducing my mother, because he doesn't even know what to call her (hahaha). I didn't have an answer to his question and I told him we'd ask my mom later. I was surprised to hear that he wasn't comfortable calling my mom by her first name, because I always thought calling your friends' parents by their first name was acceptable (eventhough I never do) in the American culture. Then my mom made us have dinner together... it was nice, but still a little strange haha! It wasn't a big deal but of course awkwardness follows me like a tail if I were to have one. We asked my mom what he should call her, he told her why he was curious and immediately he earned ten points for that (HAHA). My mom liked him a lot and so did the little one, haha! My mom even told him he could call her 'tita'.

Tita:

Translated// means Aunt in the Filipino language; Tagalog. Used for close family and friends to address their elders.

I just remember my mouth opening in shock. Abi just started laughing...

Anyway we ate and I have to say he gets a lot of phone calls. Especially from his friends. Apparently they were waiting for him to come back to them. It was hilarious, I thought he sounded like he had his 'wives' on the other end of the phone. Afterwards Abi joined us for a couple of games of pool and foosball. It was all fun and games until Abi decided to beat us in every possible way. I swear it was 2 against 1 in foosball...and she still won, haha! Anyway it was a good night. he left around 8 pm and before he did my mother said:

"Come back anytime."

I really do wonder, is he really that charming and how did he get my mom's approval so quickly??



Tricky, tricky.



HAHA

-elle

Like A Midnight Rendezvous

I took a nap yesterday evening and it was really, really good. I wasn't planning on it but I fell asleep on the sofa and I was awakened by my mother who told me it was 11 30 pm and that I should go to bed. I was being especially sassy towards her considering I hate it when people interupt my sleep. Anyway I got up and brushed my teeth, washed my face, changed my clothes, and I decided to check my email. When I checked my facebook I saw someone whose name I shall not say; online. I can honestly say that what happened was nothing I could imagine. To say the least we talked until 5 am in the morning and I was thoroughly entertained. I thought to myself; Did I just meet my equal. It's weird because I think we have been together in the same school for almost 4 years and it took us this long to become friends. Anyway the sad thing is that there are complications and though nothing romantic might happen (I'm not implying that is what I want lmao), I'm just glad to know there is someone out there who is like him. The only thing I regret is that I wished I stayed up for the sunrise (with him? haha). It's been awhile since I did that. I believe the last time was with Abi and April just this past summer. Oh well, perhaps some other time.

*Here are some pictures I took from last summer:

Hmm what else? I guess that's all I wanted to say... I thought it'd be best that I document this incident for future references lol.

-elle